4/28/22
When we first start meditating, it’s quite normal to identify with the benefits of it. It can be easy to see and feel that we’re making a healthy choice -- we may notice and feel more in control of our emotions or be more present in whatever task (or lack thereof) is in front of us. With these thoughts, though, our ego may not be diminishing, but shifting to associate with an image of being spiritual or self-improving. Even this is counterproductive to the separation of thoughts and self that is possible with mindfulness.
When I started college, I read Sam Harris’ “Waking Up,” and to this day I see that as a pivotal time in my life. In my first few months of meditating, I noticed that I could separate myself from my emotions, even if only briefly. At first, I could only slide a metaphorical index card in… there was not enough distance to behave differently based on it, but there was a realization that rising anger, sadness… even joy, were not part of my underlying consciousness that could notice these things. But looking back now, I can also see that I thoroughly enjoyed being seen as the guy who read a book, learned a few things, meditated once or twice and was somehow spiritually enlightened all of a sudden (... yeah right, alright dude, what were you thinking).
As I’m sure many who talked to me at that time did, we see this identification with ideas when it’s outside of ourselves all the time: it’s on Twitter, where people defend or attack Elon’s acquisition of Twitter like their very being depends on it. There are times where we all limit ourselves by self-defining with thought, but it’s hard to notice. It’s hard to practice loosening our grip on our opinions -- to see them in ourselves, in the moment. Which brings me to…
Advice… sometimes we seek it out in others we trust. Sometimes it even feels good to give it. There’s something validating to the ego when we give advice and it’s accepted. It’s as if that idea was solely ours, and we are responsible for the approval of it and any good that it does. In the past, that feeling has led me to seek more opportunities to give advice, even if unsolicited. “Preaching”: I’ve been guilty, and I think many of us have been. It comes with an immense attachment to an idea, which is followed by swings of emotion when that part of ourselves is refuted or accepted (think political polarity). This feedback loop, though sometimes inevitable, is what we would do well to avoid -- no -- not avoid. As I wrote that, I thought again about how I’m giving unsolicited advice at this very moment. Instead, we would do well to notice the ideas we associate with, their levels of connectedness to our identities, and the ensuing emotion. In this way, we can just borrow the ideas, let them hang around for a while, and then let them pass through us. Lex Fridman sometimes refers to ideas in a way where they inhabit minds, rather than the other way around, and it can be helpful to think about it that way, too. If we notice when our grip on thoughts is tight, we will improve our open-mindedness and increase compassion in discussion with others. It can also free us from the cuffs that drag us through unwanted emotional reactivity.
Recently, I have become addicted to Instagram Reels a little bit. The other day I saw a reel with a clip of a podcast as the background audio. It was a question on the meaning of life, so my attention was captured (if it wasn’t already by videos of cooking, dogs, or coffee pours). In his answer, the British lad said, “I’ll do it in five words: enjoy the passage of time.” At the end of the day, mindfulness is just a tool for us to get more out of life: to enjoy the passage of time -- to be happy. These thoughts (and yes, these are just more thoughts to notice) help me on that path… and that’s all it is, a path, because there’s no finish line to happiness other than death *oops, morbid, reel it back in*.
In my humble opinion (welp, that’s ironic, here we are with opinions again) young adulthood is about developing personal identity. To catch ideas from parents, schools, friends, and develop our own opinions. I think an often-overlooked next step is to release them a bit, loosening our grip on those ideas that we once held strongly and emotionally. What follows is a powerful discovery -- that there are few truths outside personal ones, and we should exchange them with loving, compassionate, playful curiosity. Same team, folks.
- Jack
"We think we found the ideas, but it's more like the ideas found us." - Lex Fridman
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