11/23/19
Due to some flaw in our environment, we are deceived when it comes to the topic of happiness. Sometimes, it's seen as sexy to alienate happiness. Sometimes other priorities like wealth or popularity can cloud our judgement and reshape our values in a way that damages happiness. Sometimes, it's praised to put off happiness in the hopes of reaching a worry-free destination. These are real shames, because happiness should be everyone's "North Star." I'm continuously working at making it that for me. That's what this blog is about. But just like anything else, happiness can be learned, and even you (yes, you) have the potential to master it.
Life is hard, as I'm sure you have figured out by now. There will always be problems and mistakes that pull us away from feeling a daily flow of bliss. That's human. These things will never go away as long as we're breathing. But happiness can be learned in a way where the problems are less significant and the mistakes are better ones. Being happy is easy to confuse and hard to comprehend. It's a broad term and can sound like an excuse for skipping out on things we are "supposed" to do. But it doesn't have to be that way. We can retrain ourselves to put happiness at the top of our lists, and the rewards of doing this cannot be understated.
I've always said that I want to live forever. Although I think I have more than 100 years more on this earth, I will not delay gratification, satisfaction, or ultimately happiness because of this. Gratitude itself is evidence that happiness is achievable right now. All too often we compromise with ourselves: "It's OK, I'm not supposed to be happy now."
"This year is just tough. If I get through it the next one will feel easy."
We're all guilty of this, but living with this mindset will never make you happier. Delayed gratification is put on a pedestal by people who think this way. Now, you must be thinking, "but Jack, delayed gratification is good, that's why I'm a doctor today." I don't disagree with that, I just want to point out that there is a wrong form of it. The "good form" that the doctor experienced was in happiness throughout the journey, not just the end. Consider two doctors in practice. One gets daily pleasure in supplying medical advice to the sick every day. Seeing her patients walk out of the hospital is what she lives for. The other dreads waking up in the morning. She wakes up at four in the morning, works late, never sees her children, and dreads being on call. There is a clear distinction between these types of people in this situation, we can all agree on that. Where we keep getting it wrong is what we think each should do. Of course the passionate one has found her path and is deriving happiness from that pursuit, and she should stick with what she loves. The other, though, we think of as stuck, but there's nothing she can do. She just has to push through. That's not right. Maybe the one who dreads each day should sell her second car, take a lower paying job at a smaller, more intimate practice, and spend her free time skiing with her kids. I don't know, but the point is that there are more options than you know, more ways to love each day. I am of the belief that every single person has a passion that they will truly love working for. This is your "not work," because the joy you get from spending time on it doesn't fit into today's mold of 9 to 5 "work." If you love cooking, open a bakery, and get tired of it after a few months, that's OK. But that's not your passion, it's out there elsewhere. Maybe it's in the form of a YouTube baking channel and living in the Swiss Alps for cheap. There is no shame in taking steps back down the mountain to find a better route to the top. In fact, it will improve your life much faster. All it takes is recognizing where this is possible and finding what you love.
When happiness is the "North Star," you're never doing something because you "have to," you're doing it because in completing whatever you're after, you've gained satisfaction, you're achieving your goals, and you're simply happier having done it. There are no exceptions. "Even hard drugs and sex with prostitutes," you may say, "are things that bring pleasure, so are you advocating for pleasure above all else?" Absolutely not, I think you'll recognize that both are things that detract from your overall happiness. The high is not justified by the lows that surround it. Near-future gratification is possible in a way that doesn't detract from your happiness now or later. Instead, it's a matter of being honest with yourself and living the life that you really want.
There are 5 ways, as I see it, to better prioritize your happiness starting now. They aren't the only ways, by any means, but things that I think about when trying to optimize my life. Here they are:
1. Follow Your Passions - Make Them Your "Not Work"
2. Care Less About What Other People Think - It's Your Life
3. Mindfulness and Gratefulness - Add Them to Your Happiness Toolkit
4. Surround Yourself With "Family," Whatever That Means to You
5. Don't Overthink - If You've Built Your Happiness Compass, Trust It
If you want to hear more about each of these ideas and get one step closer to learning happiness, sign up for my newsletter and I'll toss further explanation on all of these tips right into your mailbox.
Happiness is a puzzling, peculiar beast. We all agree it's important, but struggle to step in the right direction when it comes time to act. We've been taught that this is normal. It doesn't have to be your normal, though, and there are many ways to learn happiness like anything else. But like anything else, it takes time, and you have to make it your "North Star."
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